Ten Rules of Macarons

So, I thought I'd be able to make and assemble macarons today. Turns out, blood thinners make me super super weak. At least I've gotten to research tons of flavors, right‽ So rather than leave you completely postless, I decided to give you my Ten Absolute Rules of Macarons. I'm sure Laudree would shout "sacre bleu!" at some of my suggestions but you know what? I'm Norman, not Parisian French. They can get over it.

1. Convection bake for your sanity. Most recipes will tell you to turn the pan once, twice, even four times. That's stupid. And if you're like me, you'll burn your hands by forgetting to grab an oven mitt. Save yourself some sanity and bake on convection. If your oven's like mine, I'll set it to 325 on convection and it'll go to 300. This is totally fine! Your oven knows what the hell it's doing (usually. Unless your oven is possessed by Satan. Then you're just shit outta luck).

2. Sifting is your friend. If you're using almond meal or flour, you may think "holy fish sticks, Batman, that's a lot of lumps in the bottom that I'm about to throw out!" This is also okay. It'll make the macaronner process easier on you. Don't fret. They'll be the perfect texture.

3. Egg white aging is stupid. It doesn't do anything. Really. All you need to do is make sure the whites aren't immediately-from-the-fridge cold. I crack mine into my standing mixer's bowl, reserving the yolks for lemon curd or some such, and let them come to temperature while I gather and measure out the rest of my ingredients. By that time, they should be fine enough to whip. Remember, too, that the mechanical energy of whipping them up also heats them up.

4. When I say "stiff peaks," I mean it. Add your sugar when the whites are frothy, then whip that sucker till kingdom come. This is perfect for a standing mixer. Wait until you no longer hear that wet, sloppy "splat sploot splat" sound of the meringue whipping, and it should be perfect. Still, check anyway. Lift up the beater. Does it make a shiny peak that stays? Then you're golden.

5. Folding vs Macaronner. Fold in your dry ingredients about a half cup at a time. Once they're all folded and combined, you begin macaronner, which is a specialized stirring technique that involves squishing the batter along the sides of the bowl to beat the air out and make the batter more liquid. You'll have it perfect when you lift your spatula and the batter runs down like a ribbon.

6. Make a template. Piping is a bajillion times easier with a template. I made mine on parchment paper with a sharpie. They're X's that are an inch square and separated by an inch of space. I put another sheet of parchment over it, pipe from the middle of the X, wait until it covers the X, then move to the next one.

7. Always rap your pans. ALWAYS. It'll ensure you have no air bubbles and get that awesome little bubble ring at the bottom, known as "feet." Feet are a sign that you done good, kid.

8. Cooling is complicated. Everyone has different methods. I slide the parchment from the cookie sheet to a cooling rack and let the cookies finish cooling undisturbed. This works really well when you have several batches to make. Once they're TOTALLY COOLED, then CAREFULLY peel them from the parchment. They'll ideally be soft on the bottom. If they aren't, no worry: you still have a chance to save them.

9. Don't be afraid of flavor. Flavor the shells and the filling. Seriously! It's worth it. They become that much more worth it to make and add only an extra step or two, normally. And talk about the difference in taste! HUGE. So huge. Some are delicate flavors, and those I'll be sure to mention. But don't be afraid to go bonkers with flavor.

10. Let them chill. After filling and assembling, let them hang out in the fridge for AT LEAST two hours, if not overnight. This'll ensure that any hard bottoms soften up, the flavors come out, and the crunchy outside/fluffy inside juxtaposition comes out fully. If there's no room in the fridge, keep them in a cool place.

There you have it. My absolutes. Oh, and have fun. Remember, this isn't about creating the prettiest, fanciest things on the planet. Your first few batches will probably be finicky. But I promise you, the result is 1000% worth it. Make whatever flavors you want. Seriously, the possibilities are endless. Savory, sweet, tart, salty, you name it and you can do it. (Seriously, I found a recipe today for caprese macarons. WHAT.)

Hopefully tomorrow I'll have actual macarons to show you that don't involve potential fainting in the process. Woo!